To ladies who lunch at Sundance.

As an honorary old lady, I think I've earned the right to offer some advice to my fellow (at least in spirit) senior women.  I'm talking to you, ladies who lunch and you know who you are.  You love botanical conservatories, museums filled with flowers, exhibits that celebrate powerful women of a "certain" age. And once a year, when you want to feel hip and in the know you head to the Sundance Film Festival where you just can resist raising your hands during the Q and A.  It is this last point to which I offer some friendly advice.

I begin by noting that these are Q and A (question and answer) sessions, not C and A (comment and analysis) sessions.  Therefore, I'd like to propose that you always phrase your comments in the form of a question. Think Jeopardy.

Also, we don't need to know as much about your lives as you might think we do. For example, we don't need to know that as a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for many decades you've traveled the world to places like [insert long list of countries]. Nor do we need to hear about the many under-served peoples you've met and uplifted spiritually through the power of music. 

I'm not sure the directors and casts of movies need to know the many wonderful films you've seen over the years, the interesting past directors you've befriended, and the talented actors you've chatted up in your ten-plus years as a Sundance Locals Only Pass holder, which means you only see movies in Salt Lake City where the audiences are just more real.

And while I understand the pride you must feel for your children and grandchildren and their many exceptional accomplishments, their histories are seldom relevant to the discussions at hand.

Finally, as brilliant as many Sundance movies are, not every film can be the absolute very best movie you've ever, ever seen. . . in more than ten years of attending Sundance. . . and that you'll remember for the rest of your lives . . .or at least until next year when you'll be back (I hope) to celebrate the absolute very best movie you've ever, ever seen.

By following these few simple guidelines, you'll save the rest of us from the cringe-inducing embarrassment we experience on your behalves.  The kind of embarrassment that makes us want to change the channel.  Only we can't. Because it's live. And you won't stop talking.