Sunday in the park with Gertrude.

It's no secret that I celebrate my inner old lady.  In fact, my friends have named my old-lady persona.  She's Gertie (short for Gertrude).  And Gertie was in heaven on a recent trip to Washington D.C. where she visited Hillwood Estate, Museum, and Gardens.  This is a place created by an old lady, run largely by old ladies, and visited predominately by old ladies.  They actually serve afternoon tea . . . in the garden!

If you plan to visit Hillwood, make sure you know how to get there because this place is off the beaten path.  My taxi driver wouldn't have made it if I hadn't brought a printout of the directions.

Hillwood is delightful for its unabashed ego.  You're greeted with banners that read, "Where fabulous lives." (I know some gay men who might beg to differ.)  Even their admission buttons (and this is the most insignificant museum I've been to that has admission buttons) brands visitors as fabulous.

I was greeted by an old lady (dressed in a smart, Chanel-like suit) who was devastated when I turned down the docent-lead tour.  "But how will you know what you're seeing?" she asked.  I responded that I'd get by.

While I planned my visit mostly to see the gardens, I started by wandering through the mansion turned museum. It was more enjoyable than expected.  Hillwood was created by Marjorie Merriweather Post, the heir to the Post cereal fortune.  Her father died while she was relatively young leaving her a vast fortune.  She was an undeniable eccentric who married and divorced four men, two of whom were the U.S. Ambassadors to Russia. She loved to collect things.  The Hillwood mansion is filled with stunning collections.  Some of the best feature Russian gems including a whole bunch of Faberge eggs.  I love how casually the collections are displayed.

The mansion is curated beautifully.  I like that the staff haven't made the house too museum like.  Instead, you get a feel for what it must have been like to attend a summer party at Hillwood; the opulence, the dinners, the conversations, and the after-dinner entertainment.  This room was designed for performances, including a balcony complete with theater-style seating.

Most interesting were some of the more mundane areas of the mansion, including the 50s-style kitchen left just as it was when the house was entertaining.

However the gardens are where Hillwood really excels. The grounds smell as good as they look.  I'm not sure who oversees the plantings but it feels like they want you to smell the gardens as much as see them. And then there are the birds.  Sure we have songbirds in Utah, but nothing like the overwhelming sound found in these gardens.

Ms. Post definitely left enough money to allow for a substantial gardening staff (and they were busy at work while I was there). The grounds are meticulously well kept.  Take the formal garden just outside the mansion.  The sculpted box woods are stunning.

Let's talk ivy.  I've never seen so much ivy used to such great effect, from ivy walls to sculpted ivy borders.  One of my favorite ivy moments is an area that brags about its royal heritage.

There's also a lovely Japanese-style garden.

There are plenty of interesting areas on the grounds (including four fallout shelters; how very 1950s).  One of the most beautiful is the greenhouse filled with orchids.  Marjorie Merriweather Post loved having orchids in her home so she created a greenhouse designed to ensure a constant source of the flowers.

Finally, my favorite spot in the whole place was the pet cemetery.  The pathway leading to the cemetery was flanked by stone dogs.  Then there were the marble markers, with their quirky pet names that celebrated the happiness these dogs obviously inspired.  It's strange that as I approach the one-year anniversary of my dog Cairo's death, this pet cemetery made me happy. 

Oh Marjorie, I wish you and Gertie could enjoy afternoon tea in the gardens at Hillwood. I'm sure the two of us would get along famously.

To ladies who lunch at Sundance.

As an honorary old lady, I think I've earned the right to offer some advice to my fellow (at least in spirit) senior women.  I'm talking to you, ladies who lunch and you know who you are.  You love botanical conservatories, museums filled with flowers, exhibits that celebrate powerful women of a "certain" age. And once a year, when you want to feel hip and in the know you head to the Sundance Film Festival where you just can resist raising your hands during the Q and A.  It is this last point to which I offer some friendly advice.

I begin by noting that these are Q and A (question and answer) sessions, not C and A (comment and analysis) sessions.  Therefore, I'd like to propose that you always phrase your comments in the form of a question. Think Jeopardy.

Also, we don't need to know as much about your lives as you might think we do. For example, we don't need to know that as a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir for many decades you've traveled the world to places like [insert long list of countries]. Nor do we need to hear about the many under-served peoples you've met and uplifted spiritually through the power of music. 

I'm not sure the directors and casts of movies need to know the many wonderful films you've seen over the years, the interesting past directors you've befriended, and the talented actors you've chatted up in your ten-plus years as a Sundance Locals Only Pass holder, which means you only see movies in Salt Lake City where the audiences are just more real.

And while I understand the pride you must feel for your children and grandchildren and their many exceptional accomplishments, their histories are seldom relevant to the discussions at hand.

Finally, as brilliant as many Sundance movies are, not every film can be the absolute very best movie you've ever, ever seen. . . in more than ten years of attending Sundance. . . and that you'll remember for the rest of your lives . . .or at least until next year when you'll be back (I hope) to celebrate the absolute very best movie you've ever, ever seen.

By following these few simple guidelines, you'll save the rest of us from the cringe-inducing embarrassment we experience on your behalves.  The kind of embarrassment that makes us want to change the channel.  Only we can't. Because it's live. And you won't stop talking.

 

Jeff the old lady: Toy train edition.

In my never-ending quest to do all things “old lady” I visited the Conservatory of Flowers in San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park. This is one of those Victorian-style greenhouses filled with amazing plants and flowers from all over the world.

The highlight of the Conservatory was less “old lady” and more “six-year-old-boy.” That’s because we were lucky enough to be there for the Second Annual Golden Gate Express Garden Railway. This miniature railroad features many San Francisco landmarks created using recycled materials including old computer parts, wine corks, even cheese graters. All this handiwork is then set within a lush landscape of appropriately small plants.

This exhibit was wildly popular with the young boys—many of whom came wearing their striped railroad caps and overalls. One even brought his Thomas the Tank Engine backpack. And I don’t blame the kids for getting so excited. I was totally swept away by the sheer, kid-like delight of the whole ordeal. We were even there at just the right time to see one of this year’s new features: Twice daily, set to the sounds of foghorns, the famous San Francisco fog rolls in.

So to all you old ladies out there, if you’re looking to spend a great afternoon with the grandsons, don’t miss the Golden Gate Express Garden Railway, which can be seen now through April 18.

A miniature San Francisco Conservatory of Flowers inside the San Francisco Conservatory of Flowers.

It's the Castro Theater appropriately showing Sean Penn in Milk.

The Transamerica building created from 600 discarded computer keys.

Look closely and you can see the fog rolling in.

Me, doing my best old-lady pose amid the lovely orchids.

The gARTen.

I recently attended the 15th annual Art in Pilar’s Garden. I’ve heard tell of this event for years but never knew enough of the details to attend. It used to be free. But this year it cost $10, which went to Art Access/VSA of Utah. They sent postcards informing people of the event. So this year I had all the details.
It’s hard to decide how to write about Pilar's garden because it inspired so many thoughts. So rather than choose one, I’ll give a brief mention of them all.
1. Wow, I’m seriously an old lady.
You may recall my recent musings on the fact that I tend to like things that old ladies like. Well, since we know that old ladies like botanical gardens and art/floral exhibitions, it only makes sense that they would also really like art in gardens. I will say, this event brought out a particular variety of old lady; the lesbian, flowing-dress-wearing, hippie old ladies. I’m not sure I want to be in that group. Oh well.
2. I still like crazy artists.
I’m fascinated by people who can’t seem to control their artistic tendencies—artists who just have to paint or sculpt or something. I don’t think you can develop that attitude. I kind of wish I had that crazy drive. Pilar Pobil is definitely a crazy artist. And I mean that in the best way possible, even thought her art may not appeal to my tastes.
Her entire house is bursting with her art. And she doesn’t just paint canvases—she paints everything. There are painted chairs, painted tables, painted walls, and so on. Plus, she wasn’t the only crazy artist on display. She invited several other female artists to invade her garden and display their art. (There were a surprising number of paintings of cats.)
She even has a really cool studio at the back of the garden in which she obviously spends a lot of time. It was a fitting tribute to the crazy artist.
3. Tales of the Salt Lake City.
Lately, I sometimes feel like I'm living an episode of Tales of the City. Last week it was the best pool party I’ve ever been to. It would have made Michael Tolliver envious. And last night it was 403 8th Avenue, which may be the closest Salt Lake City will ever get to 28 Barbary Lane. Seriously, I wouldn’t have been surprised if Anna Madrigal had stepped out from behind a rose bush and offered me a homegrown joint.
Here then, are a few photos from Pilar’s home and garden.

Pilar's studio and garden.

A garden path lined with art.

Pilar's entire house is covered with her art work.

Paintings of cats were all the rage.

Old ladies like flowers and art.

I’ve recently been wondering if maybe I’m an old lady. In New York, during a trip to the New York Botanical Garden, it occurred to me that the majority of tourists who travel to New York and spend a day at a botanical garden are old ladies.

And this weekend, I once again found myself surrounded by old women. I went to Art in Bloom at the Utah Museum of Fine Arts (UMFA). The museum was packed top to bottom with experienced women. Women in expensive dresses and plenty of lipstick. Women with big hats. These are ladies who lunch. And they like their art with flowers.

Here’s the premise for Art in Bloom: ask a whole bunch of florists to choose a work currently on display at UMFA and create a floral arrangement based on the painting, sculpture, or object. Then they display the floral arrangements next to the original works. Call me an old lady, but the event was fun. So here are a few of my favorites.

Gary Vlasic of Working Class Productions stole the show with his dramatic take on Leda and the Swan by French artist Jules Pierre Roulleau.
Michael Stephens from Paletti gets credit for two reasons. First he chose as his inspiration Albert Beck Wenzell’s Two Women, one of my favorite paintings at the museum. And the roses were spectacular, “on the fat side.”

Taking a Tatanua Helmet Mask as inspiration, Karen Buresh of Chesa Verde used unusual materials to create this intriguing display.